Throughout our life on this earth, we will encounter several types of people. Some of these people become good friends and help us in our deen. However, there are times where we struggle in a situation where a relationship becomes negative. These are called “toxic relationships.” We will all go through toxic relations at least once in our lifetime. It is a learning experience, and one should try their best to stay positive in such a situation.
The article will discuss some of the signs of a toxic person and how to stay positive while surrounded by an adverse/ poisonous company.
Signs of a Toxic Person
A toxic person will leave you feeling alone, underappreciated, and stressed. A toxic person may be overly self-centered, cynical, controlling, or passive. A person is probably “toxic” to you if:
- You feel bad after meeting with them, and cannot understand why that is the case
- You feel uneasy meeting with them or feel a sense of dread when they visit, call, text, etc.
- The person blames you for how you feel and lacks empathy
- You put a lot of care into the relationship, and the person makes you feel guilty for doing so
- You meet their emotional needs, but they continuously fail to meet your emotional needs
- They often apologize for their behavior but continue with their actions
Toxic relationships can have a profound impact on our emotional, physical, and spiritual well being. They can leave us feeling depressed, anxious, isolated, and lonely. These feelings can sometimes manifest as physical pain or illness such as body aches (headaches, neck and shoulder tension), eating, and sleeping problems. These two things combined can affect our spiritual well being. Acts of worship can seem difficult for us because of the emotional and physical symptoms.
Tips to Deal with Toxic People
Being involved in a toxic relationship can be difficult, but one must remember to stay positive. Here are a few tips to deal with toxic people:
- Slowly start to distance yourself from them. You know this person best, so do what you think is the best way to let them go. You can try to avoid them and not pick up their calls. You can apologize for being distant, but you do not need to explain or defend yourself. With time, the distance and lack of communication can eventually lead to a natural parting.
- Be polite, honest, and adhere to the values of Islam, which means, no backbiting or gossiping of the toxic person.
- Stay positive. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can be of help. Ask them for advice on how to best deal with the situation.
- Ask Allah (SWT) for help and pay attention to any information that may come up that can help you in your decision making.
- Learn from your experience with toxic people to improve your life and relationship with Allah (SWT).
We know that Allah is the best of planners. Everyone enters our life for a reason. Sometimes Allah allows toxic people to join our lives to teach us that only Allah is Al-Wahhab (All-Loving). Only Allah is the Source of love, and just His love is pure. The love of humans is temporary and may make us feel lonely and upset, but the love of Allah will is permanent and will never leave us unhappy so stay positive.
Abu Hurairah RA reported The Prophet (SAWW) said,
“When Allah loves a slave, calls out Jibril and says: ‘I love so-and-so; so love him’. Then Jibril loves him. After that he (Jibril) announces to the inhabitants of heavens that Allah loves so-and-so; so love him; and the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him and then make people on earth love him.” (Bukhari and Muslim).
How high and beautiful is the love of Allah (SWT)!
In Hadith Qudsi, Allah the Exalted says:
“I am as my servant expects me and I am with him as he remembers me. If he remembers me in himself, then I will remember him in myself. If he mentions me in a gathering, then I will mention him in a greater gathering. When he draws near to me by the span of his hand, I draw near him by the length of a cubit. When he draws near me by the length of a cubit, I draw near him by the length of a fathom. When he comes to me walking, I will come to him running.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6970).
These ahadith demonstrate the love that Allah (SWT) has for His servants. Allah will never leave us unhappy as long as we worship Him alone. Sometimes toxic people enter your life to teach you this lesson. Do not wholly attach yourself to His creation but The Creator. Allah (SWT) has created us, and to Him, we will all return. He is the Everlasting One, the All-Living, and the All-Loving. We must work towards emotionally attaching ourselves to Him and nothing else.
As the Qur’an states so beautifully,
Say, “Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.” (6:162).
That is how we should be. Our life should be devoted to Him completely.
May Allah (SWT) allow us to dedicate our lives to Him. Ameen