One of the greatest pleasure ALLAH subhana hu wa tala has given a human being is having kids. Its considered a central dogma of life; one grows up, gets married and has kids. Unfortunately this central dogma is not same for some people. Some married couples, despite of having an utmost urge of being parents. are some how deprived of this basic human pleasure. So, Today we would be going to discus a bit touchy topic. if you have no kids, is it end of life ? or what ? how to deal with childlessness efficiently?.
Unfortunately as a community, sensitivity is not our strength. With the vibrant mix of culture and accents, people can say some really insensitive things which many times are unintentional. Sadly, couples who don’t have children are very often on the receiving end of those comments. As a result, many sisters in particular start to feel deficient and question Allah’s decree. Often sisters feel insecure about there married life, and forecast them selves helpless in their late ages.
Realities are there, but if you have no kids, still there is much more to see in life. And specially as a muslimah, you have to be content and patient ! Following are some line of hope. that can boost your emaan and self confidence if you have no kids.
Make Dua for having children:
The very first thing you must do is to make Dua! make lots and lots of Dua. Remember, even if having no child is written in one’s fate. DUA is such a powerful tool which can change the fate too. Faith is the key, you must supplicate with a firm believe that your duas will be answered in sha ALLAH. Here is a separate article on Duas for having children. These are short duas and you can memorize them easily.
Children are a test:
Allah subahana hu wa tala has said in the Quran
“Money and Children are the joys of this world“.
but at the same place HE also says.
“know that your money and children are but a test for you“.
In that sense, just as Allah tests some people with wealth and others with poverty. He tests some with children and others with not having children. Just as not having money is in no way a sign of Allah’s displeasure, not having children does not indicate Allah’s not being pleased with you. Rather Allah tests us all in unique ways knowing what we can and can’t handle. Remember ALLAH tests by giving and taking, in your case, may be HE is judging you by not giving. If HE has chosen you for this trial, be patient and stead fast.
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.”[Al Baqara:100]
You are not incomplete:
If You have no kids, it in no way means that you are “deficient” or “incomplete”. One of the greatest women of all time who was described by the Prophet (peace be upon him) as having perfected her faith was Assiya Bint Muzahim (ra). She was the wife of Pharoah and never had children yet she has been cited by Allah as an example for all believing men and women. So don’t let insensitive people make you feel like you are any less than anyone else.
Focus on your other blessings:
ALLAH has blessed you with so many other blessings. Though you do not have children. but you still have all your body parts working proper,food to eat, place to live and many more blessings. There are lots of parents, who are blessed with a child but the child is not normal. Their kid is having some lethal genetics disorder, or has developed some deadly disease since birth. And they know even if their kid lives, he/she wouldn’t be living a normal life.
ALLAH’s wisdom is infinite:
When Allah mentions the story of Khidr (as) in the Quran. He mentions a couple losing their young child and this is from Allah’s infinite wisdom. We don’t know what the future holds and why Allah gives and withholds. but we trust that it’s always for our own good. Do not let this trust shake. You would definitely find many other sources of contentment.
Do not lose hope!
Submitting to will of your Lord, doesn’t mean you can not hope or make dua. Do not stop making dua to Allah as the Quran has many examples of righteous people who were given children in their old age. Your dua can do wonders. But when you make dua, ask Allah to grant you children so they can serve the Deen as Zakariya (as) did. Its hadeeth; Nothing can change the Divine decree except Dua..
Adopt a child:
Last but not least, consider adopting a child while observing proper Islamic etiquette’s that maintain the identity of the child. The need for Muslim foster parents cannot be overstated and it’s something all of us should intend to do whether we have children or not. The reward for caring for an orphan is unique and grants one closeness to the Prophet (peace be upon him) in the hereafter. If you are able to bring a child in before the age of 2 and breastfeed him/her (lactation can be induced), then the child will be a mahram to both parents and any other children in the family. Again, this is not simply to be done because you were unable to have children but instead to realize the reward of caring for a child while also receiving it’s warmth.
Perhaps you wouldn’t have considered becoming foster parents had you been able to have children biologically and that could be the extra motivation that causes you to care for an orphan and earn Jannah with the Prophet (peace be upon him). I hope that in coming years, couples with or without children step up to the plate and start filling this void inshaAllah.
I hope this post will be somewhat helpful and if I anything offensive or insensitive. please realize it is not my intention what so ever.
May Allah bless us all with the best of this world and the next. and protect us from the punishment of the fire. Ameen