One of the greatest pleasures ALLAH has given a human being is having kids. It’s a central dogma of life; one grows up, gets married, and has kids. Unfortunately, this central dogma is not the same for some people.
Some married couples, despite having the utmost urge to being parents. This essential human pleasure is away from them. So, Today we would be going to discuss a bit touchy topic. If you have no kids, is it the end of life? Or what? How to deal with childlessness efficiently?
Unfortunately, as a community, sensitivity is not our strength. With the vibrant mix of culture and accents, people can say some insensitive things that are often unintentional.
Sadly, couples who don’t have children are very often on the receiving end of those comments. As a result, many sisters in particular start to feel deficient and question Allah’s decree. Often sisters feel insecure about their married life and forecast themselves helpless in their late ages.
Realities are there, but still, there is much more to see in life if you have no kids. And especially as a Muslimah, you have to be content and patient! The following are some lines of hope. That can boost your Emaan and self-confidence if you have no kids.
Make Dua for having children:
The very first thing you must do is to make Dua! make lots and lots of Dua. Remember, even if having no child is written in one’s fate. DUA is such a powerful tool that can change the future too. Faith is the key; you must supplicate with a firm belief that Allah will answer your duas In Sha ALLAH. Here is a separate article on Duas for having children. These are short duas, and you can memorize them quickly.
Children are a test:
Allah has said in the Quran, but at the same place, HE also says.
“know that your money and children are but a test for you“.
In that sense, just as Allah tests some people with wealth and others with poverty. He trials some with children and others with not having children. Just as not having money is in no way a sign of Allah’s displeasure, not having children does not indicate Allah’s not being pleased with you. Instead, Allah tests us all in unique ways, knowing what we can and can’t handle. Remember ALLAH tests by giving and taking; in your case, maybe HE is judging you by not giving. If HE has chosen you for this trial, be patient and steadfast.
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.”[Al Baqara:100]
You are not incomplete:
If You have no kids, it in no way means that you are “deficient” or “incomplete.” One of the greatest women of all time, described by the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) as having perfected her faith, was Assiya Bint Muzahim (R.A). She was the wife of Pharoah and never had children, yet Allah has cited her as an example for all believing men and women. So don’t let insensitive people make you feel like you are any less than anyone else.
Focus on your other blessings:
ALLAH has blessed you with so many other blessings. However, you do not have children. But you still have all your body parts working properly, food to eat, a place to live, and many more blessings. There are lots of parents blessed with a child, but the child is not average. Their kid is having some lethal genetic disorder or has developed some deadly disease since birth. And they know even if their kid lives, he/she wouldn’t be living everyday life.
ALLAH’s wisdom is infinite:
When Allah mentions the story of Khidr (as) in the Quran, he says a couple was losing their young child, and this is from Allah’s infinite wisdom. We don’t know what the future holds and why Allah gives and withholds. But we trust that it’s always for our good. Do not let this trust shake. You would find many other sources of contentment.
Do not lose hope!
Submitting to the will of your Lord doesn’t mean you can not hope or make dua. Do not stop making dua to Allah as the Quran has many examples of righteous people given children in their old age. Your dua can do wonders. But when you make dua, ask Allah to grant you children so they can serve the Deen as Zakariya (A.S) did. It’s hadeeth; Nothing can change the Divine decree except Dua.
Adopt a child:
Last but not least, consider adopting a child while observing proper Islamic etiquette that maintains the child’s identity. We cannot understate the need for Muslim foster parents, and it’s something all of us should intend to do whether we have children or not.
The reward for caring for an orphan is unique and grants one closeness to the Prophet (peace be upon him) in the hereafter. If you can bring a child in before the age of 2 and breastfeed him/her (adopting mother can induce lactation), then the child will be a mahram to both parents and any other children in the family.
Again, this is not to do only when you were unable to have children but instead realized the reward of caring for a child while also receiving its warmth.
Perhaps you wouldn’t have considered becoming foster parents had you been able to have children biologically, and that could be the extra motivation that causes you to care for an orphan and earn Jannah with the Prophet (peace be upon him). I hope that couples with or without children step up to the plate in the coming years and start filling this void inshaAllah.
I hope this post will be somehow helpful, and if I anything offensive or insensitive. Please realize it is not my intention whatsoever.
May Allah bless us all with the best of this world and the next. And protect us from the punishment of the fire. Ameen