“Oh come on! Why should I be sorry? It wasn’t a big deal! I can’t say sorry; my fault wasn’t that much big, he/she must apologize first. Oh! It’s so embarrassing to be apologetic. So what if I did wrong! People make a mistake; it doesn’t mean I must degrade myself by apologizing in front of her/him”. To accept the mistake and apologize is the as great virtue as accepting an apology. Both are equally challenging but rewarding for the Muslim. Seeking apology or saying sorry is one of the most significant hard jobs of the world. It’s a human psychology; it never accepts inferiority. Same is the case with accepting the apology, as taking revenge is also one of the major intrinsic habits of a human being.
Human Behaviors towards Relationships:
There are a very few of human kinds, which are generous and kind-hearted enough to say and accept sorry readily. That’s why Islam emphasizes on both of them. ALLAH subhana hu waa tala likes people who repent willingly and who is forgiving.
Often people are reluctant to apologize out of ego or hesitation, even though they know their mistake. And the even worse case is when one is not even ready to accept his/her mistake. Such wrong attitudes are the reason of sour relationships. We can’t have healthy relationships if we don’t learn how to handle mishaps and humbly ask for forgiveness. Islam greatly stresses upon the essence of apology. It not only emphasizes verbally but we do find such practical examples at many places. One of the examples is, when the brothers of Prophet Joseph apologized to their father prophet Yaqoob, saying that
“oh our father, seek refuge for us, for verily we are in the wrong.”
Parts of Apology:
Just saying the word sorry isn’t enough, the apology has three parts.
1) Say sorry.
2) Accept your mistake/fault.
3) What should you do in return to fulfill the loss?
All of the three parts are compulsory, and your apology is incomplete if you miss any one of it. Most people miss the third part. They do say sorry and do accept mistake but forget to fix the trouble they created.
“It is not lawful for a Muslim to desert (stop talking to) his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning to the other way when they meet, the better of the two is one who is the first to greet the other.” [Bukhari]
“Pardon them and overlook – Allah loves those who do good” (Qur’an 5:13)
Attitude towards Apology:
Often it happens we get hurt, or someone displeases us. And our habitual attitude towards such conditions is harboring hatred and anger against that particular person. There have too many negative spiritual, moral and health effects. Following the Sunnah of prophet Mohammad ( sallalla hu ali’hi wassallam), our approach should be positive. We must develop the habit of forgiving gladly and voluntarily. Especially if some are asking for forgiveness and are sorry about his/her act. One must never refuse to accept the apology. Keeping in mind that forgiveness is one of the greatest attributes of our great creator ALLAH, He wants to see the reflection of this quality in his man too. So we must forgive, even if the other person is not sorry. It not only pleases ALLAH but releases us from unnecessary mental stress.
“Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good.” (Qur’an, 3: 134)
See the beautiful verse! What we get in reward of pardoning and forgiving people from ALLAH subhana hu was tala! Along with otherworldly benefits, one attains love of ALLAH. You get the love of Lord of Lords in return for letting the hatred and anger go of your heart. Isn’t it an excellent deal?
In other words, it’s a trade of love, with ALLAH and people also!